


I gripped you tight...

by Cas_A_Novak, HushedBreathsOverSecretPrayers



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Castiel's True Form, Dean in Hell, First Meetings, Other, Protective Castiel, Storytelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-08 16:43:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3216179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_A_Novak/pseuds/Cas_A_Novak, https://archiveofourown.org/users/HushedBreathsOverSecretPrayers/pseuds/HushedBreathsOverSecretPrayers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wanted to describe Castiels interaction with Dean until he gets a vessel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I´m the one ...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [D.](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=D.).



> Every chapter is inspired by another song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the song  
> Omnis Mundi Creatura by Helium Vola

Aeons of time had passed since Castiel had visited planet Earth. He spend several millennia floating through the universe, watching his fathers creation expand. He was being curious as he heard about his duty on this particular planet.  
His siblings welcomed their brother and Michael showed him the beauty of the new born planet in all its facettes. Soon he grew to love the inhabitants of Earth and he fell for their precious beauty and their sense of humor as they developed a free mind as their father wished they would. It happened short after the fall of the Morningstar that he rebelled against the him given duties, not willing to kill even one single living being. But his elder siblings knew better and manipulated him, so it happened that Castiel was the one who came down to drown them, slaughter them for their transgressions. Castiels touch was killing quickly and mercilessly. His sword an extension to his hand and his heart chained up tightly in his chest, but finally the obedient brother his siblings wanted him to be. 

Castiel was becoming a warrior in his fathers name, he never doubted his orders, he was the trustworthiest angel they had and he soon became the captain of his own garrison. He had forgotten about the beauty of the creation, of music and art, things that had caught his attention before they messed with his mind and reprogrammed him. Something he would have never wanted, preferably spending his time with living beings when he used to stay on earth as human were still young. Now he kept his distance from living beings. Angels were not allowed to show on earth and Castiel did not doubt his families decision.

It was not a huge surprise that he was the one who found the righteous soul first down in the pit. Castiel had fought his way through the abandoned spirits, for years slaughtering and pushing further into the arena where the master had worked gory art with his knife, teaching his novice in the art of torturing fallen souls to give birth to those creatures he would rather have killed. Castiels shining incarnation difficult to hide in the dungeons below scared many creatures away before his punishing hand could reach. His size and appearance was frightening to the sly and dark creatures hiding in the corners of the darkest places in the netherworld but his touch was solacing for the condemned souls of the demons which were brave enough to face him. They faded as they were just coming too close, his pure light burning the darkness out of their eyes, leaving nothing behind but a little dust of their burnt out shells behind.  
Castiel finally had the the righteous mans soul in view, very well aware that his his true appearance could drive the human insane, so he hides his light as he approaches wrapping up his wings around his celestial form. They needed to fight their way back to the vessel soon, a soul without its body was defenseless and could fall apart. He made sure the soul would stay put before he worked a spell strong enough to shatter the chains which tied Dean down. Castiel tried to appear as human as possible as he touched him for the first time to catch him from the fall, lifting him up like a newborn, gentle and safe in his arm. He wrapped himself around Dean from behind concerned to touch only his shoulder with a hand as he unfolded his mighty wings to lift their weight from the ground. The angel was not entirely sure if the human knew what he had told him in hushed whispers, he doubted that Dean knew any enochian. He told him there was no need to be afraid, his mighty voice echoed in the halls of perdition and he felt the man was frightened of him. But he held onto Dean, offering him protection in his embrace as he fought his way back with his valuable burden close at his side. 


	2. I fixed you...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Practically fixing Dean back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the song
> 
> Wax and Wire by Loch Lomond

How fragile such a human soul was, how beautiful and how very shattered at the same time Deans was. Castiel was not aware if he kept his consciousness during the ride back up on the ground. He found the shattered soul sprawled out in his arms and he nursed him with his grace, wiping away the worst nightmares. He became slowly aware that Dean had spend decades down there, an incredibly long time for a human being. He wished he could have found him earlier, could have saved him earlier, protected him from his destiny. 

Slowly he made up for it and worked his spells, which were supposed to make Dean whole again. The angel touched the flesh of the molding body and ignited him with his grace to the bones before he lowered the shattered soul in the slowly rotting body, he hummed as he unwrapped the heavy weight from his embrace, wondering how Dean might able to walk with all the weight on his shoulders. He felt so much responsibility and so much sadness craved into this very same human being who tortured thousands of souls. How can a man like him do such a thing without falling apart? He has being humiliated mentally and physically. Castiel found the pictures Deans mind formed very much unsettling, he was not used to such kinds of cruelty. He gave death quickly if necessary and it was not his deal to toy with them like a cat with its mouse. But Dean managed to toy with the souls exactly enough to please his Master for not being punished, not one single second more. The angel was disgusted about what he saw, what Deans mind formed as Dean first became aware of him, the things he wanted to do to him when he was able to hold a knife again. He did not even say anything; the look in his face told Castiel everything he needed to know, his thoughts making up for the rest.  
Dean did not even give himself into the illusion that Castiel really was here to end his suffering. He had learned that he paid for every pleasure a wickedly expensive price. The angel had no idea that one human being would ever be that distrustful. The desperation grew inside Dean and there Castiel became first aware that what the human really was craving for, an unmistakable urge grew in Dean, he wished he could finally die. He struggled against his savior, he fought against the angel as he breathed the life back in his lungs. Dean was still falling apart underneath him and it was not his body he had issues restoring with. It was Deans soul. He saw no purpose in life, no kindness, there was nothing left for him since he had caused so much grief and despair. Castiel had no idea how to communicate with Dean without ripping him apart, he was afraid Dean would break if he used his voice while he was still so weak in his fleshly form. 

He tried to calm him down, ease Deans agony with his soothing appearance, but it only made Dean angrier than he already was. He did not see him as an angel, he saw a new demon, some new torture Alastair figured out for him. What will he do to him next? Show him Sam how he lived his life with some random chick without even spending one minute to think about his brother who died for him? Was it his father, disappointed about him giving in? Did he want to rip all bones one by one out of his body to see when he will finally give in and take the knife again? Or did he want to mock him with other things? Dean had no idea that this was really happening and what was just tricking his mind. He had lost all sense of time since he has spend decades which felt like centuries with the scariest abominations of hell. 

Castiels touch had left a mark on the vessel, it has appeared on his shoulder as he fit body and soul back together and Castiel knew it will fade one day but for now he was proud to see his mark on the man. The pride dribbled out of him right at that second as he thought about it. He was an angel, not supposed to have those feelings, the connection with Deans soul had made him drift for a second. The many feelings of the human shell underneath him were all unsettling and disturbing he tried to soothe Dean while he healed him from the inside out, still remaining his hand on Deans shoulder, at least he formed Deans face again, the long lashes, hiding his beautiful green eyes. He restored the shattered body, the broken bones, everything the hell hounds ripped apart as they got a hold of him. Castiel put all his awareness in restoring the withered skin which was covering his nude form, he made sure to wipe off every visible scar, since it was the case that he could not heal all the invisible ones. 

“Dean Winchester is saved.” Castiel thought as he felt the first beat of Deans heart underneath his hand. Dean kept his eyes shut, he seems still delirious and it ached the angel to leave his human behind, as he reached with his hand out of the grave to fly back up to heaven. As Castiel unfolded his wings to show his true form to the bright sunlight he caused the earth to quake and the trees to burst down around him as he he spread out his wings. His voice a mighty growl as he repeated not only in his mind this time. “Dean Winchester is saved.” he already heard his siblings chattering gratefully on the radar as he left earth for further instructions.


	3. He gripped me tight...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deans view of what had happened during his rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is written by my beloved co-writer.

The terror ran endlessly on in his mind, making him feel like a rat trapped in a cage. And when he tried to look ahead to some better, brighter time, he could see only darkness. This was it. Nothing but agony and the sounds of screams, screams he was carving out souls. The exact same screams and gasped pleadings he had tasted on his own lips for the last four decades. The sound was constant and sharp. Pleading for your life, for a little mercy, There is nothing of God or Light in that heartless sound - it's all black winter and dark ice... Until, one day there was a stir in the darkness. A form in the void of misery. It felt alien lie it didn't belong there. He thought he saw it's eyes but everything was out of focus and he couldn't be sure. But they were nothing like the eyes Dean had looked into every day in this place, The eyes of the damned,  
, the staring, glaring eyes of one who sees but does not see, eyes ever turned inward to the sterile hell of dreams beyond control, dreams unleashed, risen out of the stinking swamps of the unconscious.  
The touch to his arm was--There are no words. It was not followed by a lashing of pain, it was a hold of sanctuary. It was a trick. It had to be. He had long since learned that hope isn't something that existed in this place. Good things don't happen. Especially to a man like him. A man who could sink so low into the bowls of hell that had become apart of it. No, this was Alasteir's new mind game. A new torture. He was weary and broken but he pulled and fought against the touch anyway. The large black wings, right out of an episode of Sesame Street: directors cut by Horror master Stephen King, where Satan's Big Bird was coming to haul his ass away.  
His assent was plagued with fear of the new fresh hell he was probably heading towards. Punishment he damn well knew he deserved for what he'd done. But that's not what happened.  
He was out, someplace else. He felt as if he was being reborn. Fragile and weak. He was utterly alone and then arms wrapped around him, tendrils of light and warmth igniting him him through every nerve and fiber. The gentleness frightened him because it had been so long since he felt anything close. Whatever he would be forced to feel next had to be unimaginably awful. His broken body was being manipulated and maneuvered, Dean could do nothing but accept what was going to happen to him, whatever it was. He laid back, put his arm over shielding his eyes. He tried to hold onto the anger, because the anger made him feel brave. A brave man could survive this he thought. A coward couldn't.  
He felt a pressure, a weight. A confining sensation. He was someplace familiar, a place where all life was bared away. His body. Oh, God...Was this his new prison? Being trapped inside himself, buried in the earth alone with his worst enemy? Himself-  
"Please... Please no."  
A tear rolled down as he accepted his fate when the most miraculous thing happened. He was held, touched. He felt an electric rush of warmth. His could shell he was trapped in become the sensation of slowly sinking into warm water. His lungs expanded and his heart... The one he almost forgot he used to have, it beat. It beat for him. He couldn't remember how to breath, how to exist in this world again. So this being did it for him. The heartbeat he was feeling wasn't even his own yet. It was this being. His savior. He was the air in his lungs breathing for him when he could not. The ancient careful hands massaging life back into his cold heart. The color in his skin highlighting the freckles dusting over his face. The light back into his sad eyes. This being and him were one until Dean breached the barrier, rejoining the world and life that came flooding back into focus. Before he could choke out sobs of gratitude to whatever the force was that raised him up, it was gone. He gasped for breath when that sad reality came crashing in as he woke up. His savor was lost to him and his memory. Like a dream upon waking.  
But not entirely. His body remembered what his mind forgot and would carry it with him, giving him strength as he laid in that dark grave.  
And then, Dean Winchester forced his way out of darkness and clawed his way back into the light.  
This wasn't the first time and certainly wouldn't be the last...


	4. About angels and bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Hoizer - Take me to church 
> 
> In this chapter we find out a little bit more about Castiels thoughts, what makes his vessel so special.

In this spheres of heaven Castiel never felt home, he never found peace around his siblings, so it happened he bathed in the warm rays of sunshine or landed on the fields when the moon was full. He enjoyed being a part of the creation without affecting it with his hand. He loved the sound of humming bees, it was soothing following their way to the next flower and flying back to their hive without anyone telling them what to do. They all seemed to know what their purpose is. Castiel tended to forget his purpose every once in a while. He wished he could be a bee sometimes, flying from flower to flower for the greater good. No killing, just fighting if being attacked, the only purpose in life nursing their tribe. He truly believed this used to be Gods plan for the angels too. But angels were all mad wasps.   
His affection for bees once happened to end in his elder siblings naming him “their King” behind his back since bee colonies only happen to have Queens. Did they really suggest to mate with one of them? This was the part of angelic humor he will never understand.   
They did not see how important it was to have bees on earth, all live would die within years without them, there was no life without them possible. But human kind had already invented pesticides which killed the population of various bee colonies. If the Light bringer will not make the Apocalypse start, human kind was very well capable of calling for the four horsemen. They never appeared alone, one caused the next one to appear.   
The angel stretched his wings and let himself drop out of the clouds again as Dean touched the mark he has had left behind on his shoulder. The earth quivered as he formed Deans name. He had learned the English language as he restored Dean´s memories but a lot of metaphors and puns were startling and made no sense to him.   
The glass was shattering and he could see Dean hiding in fear so he decided to disappear to finally find a new vessel. He had contacted the man before. Castiel could not tell why he did not want another vessel, he wanted Jimmy Novak because he knew the man was strong enough to bear him. There were not many people on earth who were capable of carrying such a burden.   
He was one of the last one´s of this bloodline, the keepers of a secret so old, from a human perspective it was only a lore. But Castiel found the man and he used modern communication to get in contact with him. He needed to gain his trust first before he asked him for a favor. The angel has not had possessed a human vessel for centuries and it was his very least intention to startle the devout man. 

As his grace poured through the veins of a human vessel Castiel became aware again how delicate his fathers work was. He could have spend decades just listening to Jimmy Novaks heart beating, but that heartbeat reminded him of his duty; Dean Winchester has been calling out for him. Now he had the opportunity to respond. Spreading his mighty wings to escape the gravitational force once for all and heading forward to the righteous man, the man who must be saved.   
The man he resurrected. He reminded how important this mission had been for him. No killing, actually saving a soul. Secretly Castiel felt this should have been his duty for all eternity, it was so much more satisfying, it made him even proud to be honest. Killing gave him no joy, but being capable of saving someone from redemption felt like the plan was finally worth being obeyed without questioning it.


End file.
